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tsiya

NEW TRUCK

I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck.


Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.


I returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.


The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.


'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.


The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'


'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers


Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.


I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.


Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him.


I yelled, 'Asshole!'


Immediately the radio responded with, ladies and gentlemen, The President of The United States


Damn I love this truck . . .
coebul

New Element Discovered!

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons.. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it
can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 40  
years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
coebul

I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying. He said, "If the current administration is in office much longer, canned goods and ammunition are your best bet."
tsiya

AMEN!!!!

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