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Daily Funnies
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coebul



Joined: 18 Nov 2010
Posts: 3285
Location: Northwest USA

PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:58 pm    Post subject: Daily Funnies  Reply with quote

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1.. This is this cat.
2.. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
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Now go back and read the third word in each sentence from the top down.
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puc reducks



Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 1250

PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cute.  We're all elders here and you rub our faces in it!  *grrr*   Very Happy

I did it in 4 seconds, not 40.  Do I get a prize???   Cool
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puc reducks



Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 1250

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not Friday.  Cut me some slack...  Cool


How the Internet Really Started:
A Revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM)


In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

One day she said unto Abraham: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"

Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP)

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.  ["Dominican"???]

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that is how it all began. Truly! (All this time you thought it was Al Gore.)
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bieramar



Joined: 19 Nov 2010
Posts: 4441
Location: Taylor Ranch, NM

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. ['Dominican'???]"

Obviously written by an historian of religions or theology.

"A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum...."

Make that a gay historian of religions or theology.
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puc reducks



Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 1250

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 12:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bieramar wrote:
"They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. ['Dominican'???]"

Obviously written by an historian of religions or theology.

"A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum...."

Make that a gay historian of religions or theology.


But Dominicans???
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bieramar



Joined: 19 Nov 2010
Posts: 4441
Location: Taylor Ranch, NM

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The jealousies and condemnations between the major religious orders of the Roman Catholic "Orders" through the centuries resulted in stereotypes.  

Of the Benedictines, Carthusians, Franciscans, Carmelites, Cistercians, Jesuits, Dominicans, et al, it is the latter who are satirized as the redolent elitists, supping at the tables of kings and conquerors.
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coebul



Joined: 18 Nov 2010
Posts: 3285
Location: Northwest USA

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:58 pm    Post subject: So Ok it's Tuesday Reply with quote

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions.  The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all  the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he  couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in   Afghanistan  ..  In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghani Muslim  soldier with a truly incredible arm.  He threw a hand-grenade straight  into a 15th-story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing  car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself.  "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.  And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghani is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads.  "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world.  I'm here  among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us.  The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.  Your two brothers were  beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"  The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,


"I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"
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puc reducks



Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 1250

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bieramar wrote:
The jealousies and condemnations between the major religious orders of the Roman Catholic "Orders" through the centuries resulted in stereotypes.  

Of the Benedictines, Carthusians, Franciscans, Carmelites, Cistercians, Jesuits, Dominicans, et al, it is the latter who are satirized as the redolent elitists, supping at the tables of kings and conquerors.


Well, blast their eyes, then!!!

~~~~

My questioning was to time-line for use of Dominicans and "ancient Israel."  Didn't think it rang true (I know it's a a joke, but everything else seem "right.").
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bieramar



Joined: 19 Nov 2010
Posts: 4441
Location: Taylor Ranch, NM

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

puc reducks wrote:
My questioning was to time-line for use of Dominicans and "ancient Israel." ?Didn't think it rang true (I know it's a a joke, but everything else seem "right.").


True - up until that sentence "Abraham" and "ancient Israel" fit the mental time-line of tents and trading etc.

But NEITHER "Sybarites" NOR "Dominicans" are in that era.  The ancient Israel of Abram, where/when he was renamed Abraham/Ibraham, was actually Canaan at the time - qnd a millenium before the 'Ellas (Hellas a/k/a Greece) city of Sybaris.  Then almost two more millenia until Dominic.
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puc reducks



Joined: 21 Nov 2010
Posts: 1250

PostPosted: Tue Feb 15, 2011 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

bieramar wrote:
puc reducks wrote:
My questioning was to time-line for use of Dominicans and "ancient Israel." ?Didn't think it rang true (I know it's a a joke, but everything else seem "right.").


True - up until that sentence "Abraham" and "ancient Israel" fit the mental time-line of tents and trading etc.

But NEITHER "Sybarites" NOR "Dominicans" are in that era.  The ancient Israel of Abram, where/when he was renamed Abraham/Ibraham, was actually Canaan at the time - qnd a millenium before the 'Ellas (Hellas a/k/a Greece) city of Sybaris.  Then almost two more millenia until Dominic.


Great!  I'm all comfy now!  Facts are in place!  I thought "Sybarites" might not be kosher either.  Thanks for confirming.   Very Happy

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